i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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