He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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