I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
