and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you never un-have a 4some
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
