apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
