Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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