mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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