so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize