I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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