I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
