Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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