Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
