When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
