I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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