I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
