Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
