he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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