3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
