if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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