i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
