so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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