just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
