Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
