So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize