i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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