Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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