she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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