Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
