So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
