First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize