Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
