Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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