You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize