Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize