i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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