Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
