is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
