I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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