I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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