Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
