Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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