the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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