I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
