I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize