glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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