dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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