It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
