He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
