Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
