Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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