Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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