Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
