Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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