i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
