my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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