We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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