mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
