He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
