i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
