so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
