dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have already put on my inside pants.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
