I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
