Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
