Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
