My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
