I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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