I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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