When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
