i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
