So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
