Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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