I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
